sigh … sadly to say, i really do not know what ive brought myself into… its cuz i really dunno if my feelings towards him are for real or merely infatuation. but i know, watever it is for now, its alr too late for me to turn back. this is cuz the relationship has been too fast… everything happened so fast, i know not wat to do anymore. moerover, i really do not know if im really into such a person like him… to start of, he’s a non-Christian. secondly, he smokes… two of the most important critereas i want in a bf is dissolved just like this. i really do not know how to tackle a problen like this. moreover, im being taken as the third party of this relationship. that’s wats driving me crazy. this is because i couldn’t determine my feelings towards him. infatuation, or true love. this is truely headache for me. and i do not know if he’s meaning wat he said towards me at all. he had a total of 22 gfs before me. and yet he can say that he’s serious towards me. the worst thing ever to happen to him is that i do not have full trust towards him. but i promised to have 100% trust in him. so i sacrifice the chances knowing that i mght be hurt deeply if i ever fall too deep in love with him but find out that he’s playing around with my feelings all this time. i am willing to sacrifice if im positive that he’s really into me… but the problem now is that i haven’t a single clue that stands out clearly, saying that he’s really into me. watever it is, its a big obstacle for me. he has time for everyone except for his gf. i just had heart pain. i can’t take too mus\ch preaaure. otherwise, i’d get a heart attack. i wished i am a healthy being. this is because, then i can do things that are difficult to handle, without being too concerned about my heart. anyhow, i just hope that things between my bf n i will be settled soon. it might be me thinking too much anyway… hahah!! well… trying to cheer up myself actually… sigh… btw… i really hope that my family would accept him in the future when i intro him to my family.. sigh. its so scary. its like v only have like wat? a short time beforre i shall have to tell my parents about it… im realy so worried. i pray that i’d be able to get him to kno Christ heart to heart, and that he will be a Christian in the future. pls pray for me Mira.. u too ash. love u both! muax. er ash? sorry for not knowing that u knew about my blog… i didn’t mean to.. gomen… is there anything that i can do for u? hehe……. mohon ampun tuanku….